How your first heartbreak feels like.

It feels like,
You've lost a part of yourself. 
​...

You no longer know how to function besides staring blankly at photos of the both of you, or screenshots of your favourite conversations with him at 3am.
Your heart feels sour. 
​
You suddenly feel so lonely,
thinking of all the things you could be doing or yet to be done with him. 

You cry. A lot. 
You know you've heard stories about breakups but, you have no idea it could be this hard.
You look at all the things he gave you throughout the 4 years and cry even harder when you see the words "future" and "forever".
You constantly pounder if that's the right decision that you've made; And what if it's wrong.
You needed a distraction. Any form of distraction. 

You start spending more time with your family, going out with your friends more often, meet new people, have new conversations, make new memories with different people. 

You thought you're okay now,
until the night falls. And memories flashes.
Suddenly every little thing reminds you of him. 

You tell yourself to be strong, and you don't need to depend on anyone. You start building walls to protect yourself. 
After some time rediscovering yourself, you finally see that although this sucks, it's probably needed. 
But even then, you still passes by his area every once in awhile to see if you're lucky enough to catch a glimpse of him. 

You hate him, but you miss him. A lot. You stalk him, and constantly wonder how he's doing, and if he still thinks about you sometimes.

You look back at your broken relationship and realizes faults that lies from the start of the relationship. You start imagining how things would be like if you did this instead of that, and maybe if you haven't acted that way, you guys would still be together today, fulfilling all the promises made to each other. 

Overtime, you finally accepted the fact that the both of you are going separate ways, and all you can do is wish him all the best. We are just a passerby to each other, making us a better person for the next one.

You move on, or at least try. But realizes that you can never completely erase someone off your mind. He had impacted you, making you who you are today. Although he is just a past now, he still stays at a certain spot in your heart. 

And life goes on. 

Time would eventually heal.