Death by 30.

I think a lot. And I'm not too good with expressing my thoughts, especially morbid thoughts. But have you ever had the word "death" runs through your mind like every now and then?

Coming from a perspective of a 20 year old writing this, I honestly don’t know what to feel by coming to terms that everyone and everything would leave you one day. Your parents will pass one day, your best friend, your partner, your pet... point is, moral of the story is to make the best out of it with the people you care the most. But really, what is “making the best out of it”?

Life has a fucked up way of throwing punches in your face. Just the other day, my friend came across the news that an acquaintance of he's passed away at the age of 19 due to suicide. You wouldn’t have thought she would be gone. I mean, her social media is filled with photos of large groups of cool friends doing cool stuff, beautiful selfies and solo shots of her pretty face. She’s gorgeous. If I hadn't known about this I would wish I was her. But what a shame all these photos masked a depressed girl struggling to live another day. Social media is toxic.  
  
By coming to terms that everything leaves you, also means coming to terms that one day you might leave everyone and everything too, and man that’s a lot to take.

I believe everyone has their own version of “making the best out of it”. Some might just want to have fun with the group of people who matters, maybe meeting their idols, finding their soulmate, or flaunting a beautiful self-image online to fill the emptiness or insecurities in them. While some aims for success, fortune, fame, luxury, earn enough money to lead a comfortable life and travel the world, make a difference in the world and so on. Some just want to be happy, and of course there’s some who have zero clue yet because duuude, I’m still young I've got loads of time. Haha yea. There's many more stuff that people are chasing out there in order to live their best life, and to be honest here, I haven't quite got my version figured out yet. 

This is what I tell myself everyday – death is inevitable. And when death comes knocking on your door unexpectedly, you better be sure that you're proud of everything that you've accomplished thus far. 

But so far I've not came up with a list of what to do to accomplish.

See I’m in conflict with my own mind, hence all these writing. But here is what my final take away on this.

“making the best out of it” isn’t really an action or the feeling of sense of accomplishment like an achievement unlocked. It’s more of a mindset kinda thing. I have seen people die at the age of early 30s, they don’t have the privilege of ever becoming what they’ve always wanted to be, and perhaps missing out on a bunch of experiences yet to be felt. But yet they had lived a much more fulfilling life than those who had lived till the age of 70 filled with regrets and remorse on their deathbed. Not everyone is blessed to reach success or fame or fortune, not everyone is blessed to find a lover and live the perfect fantasy they’ve always wanted before death. Life's a bitch we don’t always get what we want. But if you’re happy doing what you’re doing, ain’t that good enough? Taking chances and not leaving rooms for regrets sounds like a better life than blindly chasing fame and fortune to me. I mean that’s personal preference, you do you. I believe by living a life of purpose and passion would be considered pretty worthwhile. Because you'll then be happy atlas. 

You’ll never know what will happen tomorrow, as cliche as it sounds but it's true. I never knew a beautiful girl like her would end her life at the tender age of 19. Therefore I’m a firm believer of taking every chances and opportunities out there - do the thing you've always wanted to do, talk to people and amend mistakes you’ve made in the past before it all gets too late, start chasing dreams or at least make an attempt at it. Rejections and failures are inevitable, people are going to judge you no matter what like what's new right, but at least you tried. And you’ve got a story to tell. I have never believed in living a mundane life till 50 and retire, and finally start living. I mean it's all easier said than done, but by writing this also sets a reminder for myself to practice what I preach. And I hope I don't disappoint.
Who knows when life's gonna give you a surprise buttfuck.